[ Alberto nods slowly, still staring up at the ceiling. Luca liked Bruno. He knew that, of course, but it's nice to hear Luca say it; plus, it's the first time Alberto won't be the only one missing someone. Massimo liked Luca, but he never missed Luca the way Alberto did after he left for Genova, so Alberto had missed Luca alone; and then, after finding himself spirited away to Kaisou, Alberto had missed Massimo and Luca — and everything else in his life — once again all by himself. This time, he won't be alone literally, but he won't be alone in missing Bruno, either; so it's oddly comforting to know Luca will miss Bruno, too. Not as much as Alberto will, granted, he knows, but all the same. They're in this together, in a way. Alberto liked knowing that Luca and Bruno liked each other. He'd thought about that many times even before Luca had actually arrived! In Stardew, Alberto would talk Bruno's ear off about Luca, regaling him with stories of their summer together back home; plenty of nights were spent in their shared bedroom with Alberto gleefully lounging in his bed describing Luca at length, and always with lavish praise, to a very patient (and probably very tired) Bruno — who listened. And even talked! Alberto'd hoped from the get-go that Bruno and Luca would like each other, felt pretty confident about it. Alberto had liked imagining their first meeting back then, and when it finally happened, he felt they all hit it off better than he could've imagined. That night the three first had dinner together has since stayed one of his fondest memories, even something of a core memory — and now it's tinted blue.
Thinking vaguely back on it in private, lying quietly like this, he feels a new twinge of pain suddenly, remembering how he'd ghosted Bruno for almost two days, too, when Luca'd first arrived. Bruno had thought Alberto had disappeared. Bruno had kept texting him hopefully, even though he didn't respond, until his panic hit a crescendo after a day and a half. Coincidentally, it was the exact same amount of time between the last time Alberto had talked to Bruno, and the moment Alberto's panic hit a crescendo tonight, when he found himself similarly hopeful, texting and calling Bruno's phone over and over the same way, before frantically moving onto Luisa's — a step further that Bruno hadn't needed to take. Their roles were flipped — except it'd turned out Alberto was in fact still there, and happier than ever, and Bruno's panic was for naught. Back then, Alberto had never known anyone who disappeared, so, unlike Bruno, he'd never worried about anyone magically disappearing; he felt bad that he scared Bruno when Luca had arrived, but in light of the reality of the situation, it became almost a little— funny? — looking back on it after that. But not anymore. Not now. The real resonance of Bruno's fear was lost on him back then. Alberto's concern had been more stuck on Bruno assuming Alberto had been pranking him or something, if he were still there; that was the point he made sure to reassure Bruno about, because Alberto would never pull a prank pretending to disappear on someone he loves. The pain of Bruno believing the possibility Alberto really had disappeared, though, was something Alberto couldn't relate to back then, overshadowed by Alberto's latent need to prove to Bruno that he was wanted — a deep-seated desire to prove to the man that Alberto wanted to be in his life. He realizes now... he missed the point. Alberto never needed to try to prove anything — Bruno knew.
Finding himself in Bruno's shoes the past two days, hoping against hope, imagining countless worst case scenarios, drives this realization home now that one of them has come true. He remembers how frantic Bruno was when Alberto did finally respond, the banging on the door, the look on Bruno's face when they were "reunited" — or at least that's how it must have felt to Bruno then. Alberto feels a pit form in his stomach again, a lump in his throat, lying there in silence as this bitter recollection steeps and slowly knots his brow with remorse. Painful dots to connect. And too many feelings, far too rapid thoughts, to even begin to try and put them into words. Expressing himself right now would be too painful even if Alberto were good at it. But he's not. So after a pronounced silence, privately wrestling with his own reminiscence, Alberto still finds it in himself to choose not to wrestle this alone, and still manages to reach out to Luca for comfort — just... very literally. He doesn't say anything still, and instead, letting out a shaky little sigh, simply lays his hand between them, resting it on Luca's knee palm up — openly asking, again, just to be held. To lie quietly together and just hold hands, simply because Alberto's sad and wants to hold hands. That's enough for him right now — and more than he's ever had before. Who knows how long he'll have the chance... It won't be waiting for them back home, if and when they, too, should disappear. Even if they go home at the same time, they'll be apart again. Back to writing letters. Back to being grateful for a couple minutes in private on the telephone. Back to hoping and dreaming and endlessly imagining what "next time" could hold. But in this moment, Luca is here with him, and Alberto will try to trust that, as much as he can — trust Luca to be there beside him, trust Luca to understand what Alberto can't bear to put to words, trust him to just quietly hold his hand, as long as he can. ]
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timeasmymeasure
rifsdljk I'm just chewing the scenery for fun, lol, sorry... been in That Kind of Mood writing today
Date: 2023-02-08 06:51 am (UTC)Thinking vaguely back on it in private, lying quietly like this, he feels a new twinge of pain suddenly, remembering how he'd ghosted Bruno for almost two days, too, when Luca'd first arrived. Bruno had thought Alberto had disappeared. Bruno had kept texting him hopefully, even though he didn't respond, until his panic hit a crescendo after a day and a half. Coincidentally, it was the exact same amount of time between the last time Alberto had talked to Bruno, and the moment Alberto's panic hit a crescendo tonight, when he found himself similarly hopeful, texting and calling Bruno's phone over and over the same way, before frantically moving onto Luisa's — a step further that Bruno hadn't needed to take. Their roles were flipped — except it'd turned out Alberto was in fact still there, and happier than ever, and Bruno's panic was for naught. Back then, Alberto had never known anyone who disappeared, so, unlike Bruno, he'd never worried about anyone magically disappearing; he felt bad that he scared Bruno when Luca had arrived, but in light of the reality of the situation, it became almost a little— funny? — looking back on it after that. But not anymore. Not now. The real resonance of Bruno's fear was lost on him back then. Alberto's concern had been more stuck on Bruno assuming Alberto had been pranking him or something, if he were still there; that was the point he made sure to reassure Bruno about, because Alberto would never pull a prank pretending to disappear on someone he loves. The pain of Bruno believing the possibility Alberto really had disappeared, though, was something Alberto couldn't relate to back then, overshadowed by Alberto's latent need to prove to Bruno that he was wanted — a deep-seated desire to prove to the man that Alberto wanted to be in his life. He realizes now... he missed the point. Alberto never needed to try to prove anything — Bruno knew.
Finding himself in Bruno's shoes the past two days, hoping against hope, imagining countless worst case scenarios, drives this realization home now that one of them has come true. He remembers how frantic Bruno was when Alberto did finally respond, the banging on the door, the look on Bruno's face when they were "reunited" — or at least that's how it must have felt to Bruno then. Alberto feels a pit form in his stomach again, a lump in his throat, lying there in silence as this bitter recollection steeps and slowly knots his brow with remorse. Painful dots to connect. And too many feelings, far too rapid thoughts, to even begin to try and put them into words. Expressing himself right now would be too painful even if Alberto were good at it. But he's not. So after a pronounced silence, privately wrestling with his own reminiscence, Alberto still finds it in himself to choose not to wrestle this alone, and still manages to reach out to Luca for comfort — just... very literally. He doesn't say anything still, and instead, letting out a shaky little sigh, simply lays his hand between them, resting it on Luca's knee palm up — openly asking, again, just to be held. To lie quietly together and just hold hands, simply because Alberto's sad and wants to hold hands. That's enough for him right now — and more than he's ever had before. Who knows how long he'll have the chance... It won't be waiting for them back home, if and when they, too, should disappear. Even if they go home at the same time, they'll be apart again. Back to writing letters. Back to being grateful for a couple minutes in private on the telephone. Back to hoping and dreaming and endlessly imagining what "next time" could hold. But in this moment, Luca is here with him, and Alberto will try to trust that, as much as he can — trust Luca to be there beside him, trust Luca to understand what Alberto can't bear to put to words, trust him to just quietly hold his hand, as long as he can. ]